What if sappy organic food marketing stories were on other products?

Regardless of where you stand on the benefits of organic food, one thing's clear: The notes from the product's founder or executive found on so many products are mind-numbingly sappy.

So sappy that most of these short stories could seamlessly sub in for almost any episode of Shimmer and Shine. (But not Caillou. That show advocated putting carrots on pizza in one episode. I wish I were kidding.)

Want a taste? (Of the sap, not the pizza carrots. No one wants those.) Just from two products around the house: